I feel like I should come up with another lame excuse for being so far behind but I won’t.  Who would have thought that retirement could be so time consuming!

I’ve never been one to keep up with the latest trends.  I wear clothes until they fall apart or Peg yells at me.  I listen to talk radio so I really have no idea who the hottest groups are.  And when it comes to new phrases or made up words, I’m always the last to know.  Let me give you an example.

Several years ago, I was enjoying a pleasant afternoon in my office.  Just minding my own business.  Answering emails, catching up on some reading, banging out some CBTs (computer based training for you civilian types).  One of those afternoons you don’t often get.  But then again, you should always get nervous when things get quiet.  I heard some footsteps outside my door and then a head sheepishly peeked around the doorframe.  “Yes”, I said, “I am in here, what do you need?”  A body emerged from behind the head.  It was Fred, one of loadmasters. (As a reminder, “Fred” is the name I use whenever I don’t want to identify someone although they know who they are when they read this!) “Well”, he said, “Fred and I were over at the gym at lunch time (I know it’s the “Fitness Center” but every moron, except the Air Force morons, know that it’s a gym and while I’m on the subject, It’s the chow hall not the DFAC!) and something weird was happening”.  Now my interest was piqued.  Weird is something that always get’s my attention.  “Go on, how weird”.

“Well, we finished our workout and headed for the locker room.  I grabbed my towel and headed for the showers and noticed someone else in there but didn’t think anything of it until I noticed what he was doing”.  “What, pray tell, was that?”  I asked, barely able to control my curiosity.  “He was, well, shaving”.  The wind dropped from my sails.  Shaving in the shower, big whoop.  Maybe he cut himself and they had to use “self-aid and buddy care” on him.  So I said, “Then what happened?”.  “I ran out of there as fast as I could and told “Fred”, (the other guy. Maybe this Fred thing only works if there’s one anonymous participant), that maybe he shouldn’t go in there.”  The story still isn’t making sense so I asked, “What did Fred do?”.  “Well, he went in and then came running out.  He was totally freaked out too!”

Now I was really confused.  Two old crusty Loadmasters freaked out by a guy shaving in the shower?  I’ve heard some pretty hair-raising stories about loadmasters and fear of shaving doesn’t seem to fit the paradigm.  “So, let me get this straight?  There was a guy in the shower shaving.  Was he not using a mirror and cut himself?  Was he trying to use an electric razor with an extension cord?  What am I missing?”  A sudden look of realization came to Fred’s face and in a quiet tone he said, “Sir, he wasn’t shaving his face”  Ohhhh, I thought, guys shaving their legs is a little odd but I knew that some swimmers did it and there were certain skin conditions which require you to shave off some body hair.  “Well”, I said trying to be instructive yet supportive, “some guys shave their legs for medical reasons or….”  But before I could finish he said, “He wasn’t shaving his legs he was manscaping”  And there you have it.  What the crap is manscaping!?  All kinds of scenarios passed before my eyes.  Was he shaving his back?  His arms?  I quickly ran out of shaveable parts so I had to ask the question.  “What in the world is manscaping?”  He didn’t say a word.  He just looked down.  Why!?  I don’t understand!  Since when do men care?

At this point all I could do was ask.  “What do you want me to do about it?”  He asked, “Isn’t there some regulation against doing that in a public shower?” (I almost left the “l” out of public)  I told him that the regs probably hadn’t caught up with manscaping yet but give them time, they always get around to regulating everything.  He and the other Fred had talked to the manager at the gym and he had actually called headquarters looking for guidance on how to deal with the issue.  I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that phone call.

Thanks for reading.  I’ve got to go.  I’m late for my pedicure, mud wrap, aroma therapy, and bikini wax!