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Chapter 92, “The Last Guy”

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I’m going to ask my non-air force friends to bear with me today because there really is application in today’s discussion to the civilian world.

In many ways the Air Force Reserves has a totally different culture than the active duty Air Force. Active duty leadership, and sadly reserve leadership as well, is forever trying to squeeze the “round peg” reserves into the “square peg” active duty failing to acknowledge the strengths of the former. For example.

I’ve been to dozens of conferences where they’ve invited a JAG to come and speak about legal issues that might face a commander. Inevitably it leads to the subject of fraternization. Now I know you military types know what I’m talking about but the idea that you can’t date, let alone marry, someone you fall in love with is a concept foreign to the civilian world. It makes sense in a military setting but here’s where the train falls of the track in the reserves. As part time military, reservists are only on military status for a very limited number of days and are therefore only subject to the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) on those days. The air force has no say in who you date or marry when you’re not on duty. Every JAG, after long discussions, grudgingly comes to the same conclusion. They don’t like it. They don’t advertise it. But it’s true. On active duty they hand out Letters of Reprimand, Article 15s, and force people out of the military. But in the reserves, we deal with it. You have to keep couples out of each other’s chain of command. You have to occasionally transfer one or the other to a different organization but in the end, we make it work very successfully. I had dozens of officer/enlisted couples in my units and as long as there was no contact during duty days there was rarely a problem. That is just one example. Here’s the more interesting and challenging one.

The Air Force has a very strict up or out structure. You’re expected to progress in your career in rank and position or your services are no longer required. I’ve discussed the folly of that process in the past but in the reserves things can be a little different.

I’ve known several guys who have risen to the position of squadron commander and then, for a variety of reasons like family health problems or civilian job changes, had to step down from the position. Now in most organizations, both military and civilian, the former “guy in charge” finds another job, retires, or moves away but in the reserves there are certain skill sets that you can’t afford to throw away. Skill sets like pilot and navigator take years to develop and losing those talents is something the taxpayer can’t afford to do. I have seen former commanders successfully step down from leadership and successfully remain in the unit as a line crewmember. It would be like a CEO stepping down and then working the production line. It can work but it takes a very special guy and most don’t have the maturity or are too egocentric to make it happen. You have to be willing to accept the fact that things will change and the worst thing you can do is say even one word about how you think you had a better plan. It’s the single quickest way to destroy an organization. If folks don’t like a decision the new guy makes they automatically go to the old guy asking for an opinion. It’s OK to have a sympathetic ear but the ONLY acceptable response is unwavering support for the new guy. It takes a bigger man then most men are capable of being.

It’s even a little weird being the last guy, who retired, still lives in the area, and communicates regularly with the guys in the organization. I told my replacement I wouldn’t darken the door of the group for six months, and I think I kept that promise, and my advice has always been to communicate your concerns and keep your eyes on what’s best for the organization not just yourself.

I am concerned about the direction of the Air Force and the military as a whole but I hope the continuing budget problem forces us to take a look at how we manage people and how we often waste valuable human assets by forcing them up or out.

Chapter 91, “That Guy”

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One of the results of my retirement is that I end up interfacing with mostly civilians. Not really a surprise, but enlightening none the less. For nearly 35 years I shared a paradigm with those with whom I spent most of my time. Even Peg understood the culture of the Air Force Reserve and knew the lingo. Now I find myself explaining my perspective and educating more than I ever had to before. For example.

Several months ago, during a discussion on leadership and management, someone said to me, “You don’t understand how people work. You’re used to just barking orders and people jumping up and doing it.” It was hard not to burst out laughing. But after a little thought I realized that there is a great ignorance in our society not only in regards to the military and how it works but on what it means to actually lead something. We have bred a country of egocentric or narcissistic, the two aren’t the same, “individuals” who have never, nor ever want to be, in a position of true leadership. On the other hand they take great umbrage to the concept of ever be led by anyone else. I know you’ve all seen it because you all have been part of an organization with “That Guy”. I’ll explain.

He’s the guy who, usually from the back row, makes the funny/snide remarks during the Saturday morning pre-UTA meeting. Folks in his little sphere of influence chortle at his clever comments regarding the subjects or appearance of whomever is presenting at the time. He never volunteers unless it’s made very clear what’s in it for him. He always does the minimum expecting the maximum in return and refuses to ever be in charge of anything. I’ll bet a name has already popped into your head!

I was in a squadron once where “That Guy” actually became the squadron commander. At some point he decided he was worthy of eagles on his shoulders and realized that to make that happen he would have to become a squadron commander. The rank structure in the squadron made him one of the only viable candidates for the job so there he found himself moving from the back row to the front row. Serendipitously there was a new “That Guy” waiting in the wings and when the old “That Guy” heard the first snide remark from the back, when he was up front, he came unglued. The irony was not lost on the crowd. Now, take that guy and clone millions of him. I think you see the problem. Let’s get back to the barking orders comment.

The concept that leadership in the military, especially in the Reserves, is somehow like WW II movies with George Patton barking orders and slapping soldiers is, frankly, ridiculous. I’m not sure, outside of the cockpit, I can come up with even a handful of times I actually had to look someone in the eye and give them a direct order. The Reserves is, after all, a volunteer organization and anyone can pretty much leave whenever they desire. It might sound trite but it’s true. Leadership happens through team building, consensus, coaching, shared goals, and mutual respect. Only in the, literal, heat of battle is it sometimes necessary to shout the order and expect it to happen immediately and that might not happen unless the things in the last sentence have been practiced. On the flip side, there’s a time to follow as well.

Even though I was a Group Commander and Colonel I always made it clear that when I was flying as the copilot on a mission, I really was the copilot. For those that don’t fly it’s a little hard to understand. When you’re on a crew, flying a mission, rank doesn’t matter. The aircraft commander could be a 1st Lt and the navigator a General but in the airplane the 1st Lt is in charge and gives he orders. No questions asked. It might seem odd to everyone else, but it’s essential to the safe accomplishment of the mission. Now, I know commanders who insist on always being the aircraft commander and I say, “shame on you”. Yielding authority and responsibility is a great teaching tool and humility is an even better character trait.

The easiest, and laziest, thing in the world to do is to sit back and criticize those who have stepped up to a challenge and are trying to make a positive impact in their community. We need to either step up ourselves, support those that do or sit down in the back row and shut up.

 

 I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other!  So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

Revelation 3:15-16

St Patrick’s Day – 2014

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It is that time of year again.  Time for some self-promotion.

Carnival of Souls will be performing three times this weekend.

14 February – 7:00 PM, Lincoln Hall in Foxburg, PA.  This is one of our favorite venues.  Lincoln Hall is a restored theater right on the Allegheny River.  It’s a small intimate venue which means we can do a lot of our favorite ballads and enjoy lots of audience participation.  It’s being heavily advertised in northwest PA and northeast OH so get there early or purchase tickets in advance.

15 February – 7:00 PM, The Academy Theatre in downtown Meadville, PA.  This is a restored Vaudeville theater with a large stage and huge balcony.  Plenty of seating and great acoustics

17 February – 7:00-10:00 PM, Mogies, Lower Burrell, you’ll need reservations since we perform in the Dining Room so the earlier you call the better.  It’s a Carnival of Souls tradition.  We’ve played here every St Patty’s day for over 15 years.

If you have any questions, email me!

Chapter 90, Following

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I have been a very bad blogger.  I got caught up in the craziness of the holiday season and then I became totally obsessed with a remodeling project which I finally finished last week and now I’m months behind communicating with ya’ll.  One of you even emailed to ask if I was still alive and, other than a few work related scars from a basement that is way too short for normal humans, I am fine.  Thanks for caring!

One of the biggest challenges most folks face is dealing with a new boss.  No two leaders are the same and there are always preconceptions on both sides that need to be either confirmed or dissolved.  It’s something we all go through and not dealing with can destroy careers.  Here’s my philosophy.

1) Give him the benefit of the doubt.  Rarely does someone come to a new organization with the express purpose of destroying it or making your life miserable.  Their leadership style might be different than the one you prefer but, many times, it’s because the organization they came from had different needs.  It takes awhile to learn the dynamics of a new situation.

2) Listen.  The new guy wants to get up to speed as quickly as possible and will be, or should be, trying to pry as much background information out of you to come up with a strategy to move forward.   You, however,  need to know his history and perspectives and that knowledge will help you understand the source of his decisions.

3) Make his goals your goals.  If the guy is a metrics maniac then give him metrics.  If he wants kept up to date on every bit of minutiae then give him every last crumb.  If he just wants broad strokes then give him the big picture.  It makes no sense to butt heads over the simple stuff.

4) Don’t try to become him.  Just because he might like to run marathons or like hockey or love the Grateful Dead doesn’t mean you have do the same things.  He doesn’t need your nose planted firmly in his behind and if he does then he won’t last long anyway.

There is one great truth when it comes to any organization.  Given enough time it will take on the attributes of its’ leader.  I have seen this go very well and I have seen this go very badly.  If a leader is, let’s say, lacking in the integrity department he will gradually surround himself with like-minded people.  Eventually the organization will become infected to the point that the unspoken core values will be that of the leader.  It can take generations of leadership changes at all levels to purge the effects of one bad commander.

There have been an increasing number of incidents in the Air Force, and in the military as a whole, of a lack of integrity.  Cheating on tests.  Lying to the public and Congress.  Failing nuclear surety inspections.  Falsifying records.  You can try to assess blame at the lowest levels but when an attitude and policy of lawlessness is demonstrated at the highest level, it gradually works its way down through the ranks.  When the Commander-in-Chief is flagrantly breaking the law, almost daily, it sends an unspoken message that permeates through the military.  It’s up to you, who are still in, to keep the bar high.  The means are just as important as the ends.  What constitutes an illegal order?  What does the constitution, that you have sworn to uphold and defend, really say?  Unless we change direction I’m afraid many of you will have to make some career ending decisions when faced with the reality of those questions.

Be a good leader and a better follower. Don’t be sheep.

Chapter 89, Foot in Mouth Disease

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Last week’s story brought to mind an incident highlighting my long history of putting my sizable foot in my mouth.

During my 34+ Air Force career there was one job I did longer than any other and that was Chief of Stan/Eval.  I know I’ve explained the job before, and for this story it’s not particularly relevant except that one of Stan/Eval’s duties is to relay time sensitive, higher headquarters, flying related safety issues to the aircrew.  More on that later.

The Wing I was a part of at the time had a flying squadron, which was made up of all of the Pilots, Navigators, Flight Engineers and Loadmasters needed to fly the airplanes, but we also had an Aeromedical Evacuation Squadron or, AES.  An AES squadron is designed to man missions which pick up the wounded and move them, while providing inflight medical care, to a facility capable of dealing with the severity of their wounds or injuries.  It’s made up of Flight nurses and Med Techs who work together as a crew in the back of the airplane and maintain a close relationship with the “front end” crew.  It’s a natural symbiotic relationship that works best when they are collocated with a flying squadron.

Front end crews have very formal schools to attend that train them in their particular crew position and when a new guy returns from school he’s pretty much ready to plug right into the flying schedule.  At the time, however, AE crews didn’t really have that luxury.  They would attend a ground school but there was no flying training.  They would return to their unit and then begin the long process of getting trained and checked out at the local level.  It was a continuous flow of new nurses and new med techs  waiting their turn for the next sortie.

The fun part of training the new young ones was you never knew how they would fit in to the culture or whether they would be able to hold down their lunches once they got into the back of the bouncing C-130 for the first time.  The nurses were usually highly motivated but personalities ran from the stern Cratchetts to the spouse shoppers and everything in between. So, one lovely spring day, in walks a brand spankin’ new Lt Flight Nurse and it was obvious she was what I would call “bubbly”.  She was outspoken, friendly (some might call flirty)and it was obvious she enjoyed what she was training for.  An all around good attitude.  Her training progressed normally over several months and I always enjoyed being Supervisor of Flying (SOF) when she was flying because she brought a little sunshine to the front counter.

Well, all new crewmembers finally grow up and eventually the day of her checkride arrived.  Checkrides are, of course, very stressful for all crewmembers.  You have some looking over your shoulder, listening to your every word, and taking notes the entire time.  A necessary but painful process.  Luckily she took the whole thing in stride.  She and her AE crew of eight arrived at the SOF counter early and I was lucky enough to be SOF that day.  It’s time for the Stan/Eval part of the story.

That day we had received a new “special interest item” from Air Mobility Command, which usually means that someone on active duty did something stupid and they wanted us to remind the crews to not do the same stupid thing.  I had just added it to the list of things that all aircrew had to be briefed on prior to flight.  This particular item involved a flight nurse who had failed to removed her earrings (something you were always required to do) and during an emergency egress the earring caught on her headset and ripped her earlobe off.  I hate to overstate the obvious and tell folks to do things they already know there required to do so I always tried to interject some levity during my SOF briefings.  Rewind a bit.  This was the decade when body piercings were coming into popularity.  Folks were getting nose piercings, lip piercings, and tongue piercings.  But, of course, Air Force members weren’t allowed anything but a single ear piercing.  Fast forward.  So there I was giving the briefing and I got to the special interest item and I said, “New special interest item.  Make sure you remove jewelry from your piercings, wherever they are.”   There was a chuckle from everyone on the crew except our new flight nurse who gasped and simply, slowly looked down.  All eyes turned to her, looked down as well, and then slowly turned to me.  It was then that I realized piercings must be happening in places I had never imagined nor wanted to imagine.  My face turned beet red, at least it felt beet red, and after what seemed an eternity I finally spit out the words, “But the ones we can’t see are OK”  I wasn’t sure that was Air Force policy but it was the best I could come up with on short notice.  She looked up, smiled and said, “Great! Is the briefing over?”  “Sure”, I said and she bounced down the hall with her crew in tow.  She passed her checkride.

Chapter 88, What?

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I feel like I should come up with another lame excuse for being so far behind but I won’t.  Who would have thought that retirement could be so time consuming!

I’ve never been one to keep up with the latest trends.  I wear clothes until they fall apart or Peg yells at me.  I listen to talk radio so I really have no idea who the hottest groups are.  And when it comes to new phrases or made up words, I’m always the last to know.  Let me give you an example.

Several years ago, I was enjoying a pleasant afternoon in my office.  Just minding my own business.  Answering emails, catching up on some reading, banging out some CBTs (computer based training for you civilian types).  One of those afternoons you don’t often get.  But then again, you should always get nervous when things get quiet.  I heard some footsteps outside my door and then a head sheepishly peeked around the doorframe.  “Yes”, I said, “I am in here, what do you need?”  A body emerged from behind the head.  It was Fred, one of loadmasters. (As a reminder, “Fred” is the name I use whenever I don’t want to identify someone although they know who they are when they read this!) “Well”, he said, “Fred and I were over at the gym at lunch time (I know it’s the “Fitness Center” but every moron, except the Air Force morons, know that it’s a gym and while I’m on the subject, It’s the chow hall not the DFAC!) and something weird was happening”.  Now my interest was piqued.  Weird is something that always get’s my attention.  “Go on, how weird”.

“Well, we finished our workout and headed for the locker room.  I grabbed my towel and headed for the showers and noticed someone else in there but didn’t think anything of it until I noticed what he was doing”.  “What, pray tell, was that?”  I asked, barely able to control my curiosity.  “He was, well, shaving”.  The wind dropped from my sails.  Shaving in the shower, big whoop.  Maybe he cut himself and they had to use “self-aid and buddy care” on him.  So I said, “Then what happened?”.  “I ran out of there as fast as I could and told “Fred”, (the other guy. Maybe this Fred thing only works if there’s one anonymous participant), that maybe he shouldn’t go in there.”  The story still isn’t making sense so I asked, “What did Fred do?”.  “Well, he went in and then came running out.  He was totally freaked out too!”

Now I was really confused.  Two old crusty Loadmasters freaked out by a guy shaving in the shower?  I’ve heard some pretty hair-raising stories about loadmasters and fear of shaving doesn’t seem to fit the paradigm.  “So, let me get this straight?  There was a guy in the shower shaving.  Was he not using a mirror and cut himself?  Was he trying to use an electric razor with an extension cord?  What am I missing?”  A sudden look of realization came to Fred’s face and in a quiet tone he said, “Sir, he wasn’t shaving his face”  Ohhhh, I thought, guys shaving their legs is a little odd but I knew that some swimmers did it and there were certain skin conditions which require you to shave off some body hair.  “Well”, I said trying to be instructive yet supportive, “some guys shave their legs for medical reasons or….”  But before I could finish he said, “He wasn’t shaving his legs he was manscaping”  And there you have it.  What the crap is manscaping!?  All kinds of scenarios passed before my eyes.  Was he shaving his back?  His arms?  I quickly ran out of shaveable parts so I had to ask the question.  “What in the world is manscaping?”  He didn’t say a word.  He just looked down.  Why!?  I don’t understand!  Since when do men care?

At this point all I could do was ask.  “What do you want me to do about it?”  He asked, “Isn’t there some regulation against doing that in a public shower?” (I almost left the “l” out of public)  I told him that the regs probably hadn’t caught up with manscaping yet but give them time, they always get around to regulating everything.  He and the other Fred had talked to the manager at the gym and he had actually called headquarters looking for guidance on how to deal with the issue.  I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that phone call.

Thanks for reading.  I’ve got to go.  I’m late for my pedicure, mud wrap, aroma therapy, and bikini wax!

Chapter 87, Boards

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I am the lamest blogger ever!  I’ve missed two whole weeks.  That means I’m either dead or I’ve started another big project.  Obviously it’s not the former.  Two weeks ago a started remodeling my brother Tim’s kitchen.  His wife Diana has suffered for 25 years with one of the weirdest kitchens I’ve ever seen and now it’s time to give her what she truly deserves.  Life might be “a box of chocolates” to Forrest Gump and I like to think of remodeling kitchens in old houses in the same way, but the surprises are never pleasant!  Let the fun begin.

One more off subject comment.  (although the subject is pretty much defined by me).  For those that missed “Cotton Patch” last month, you have another opportunity this Saturday, 23 Nov.  We’ll be performing at the Emmanuel Christian Church. Here’s the info:

“Cotton Patch Gospel”, Saturday, 23 November, 7:00 PM, Emmanuel Christian Church, 1427 Davis Ave., Pittsburgh, PA 15212.  $10 at the door, children, 12 and under, $5.  For advanced reservations call 412.761.0428.

It’s that time of year again.  No, not Thanksgiving or Christmas, it’s time for Academy selection boards.  For years I’ve been sitting on congressional service academy selection boards for several congressmen and senators.  The process is daunting.  Hundreds of high school seniors across the state want to attend one of the academies but only a select few will get the opportunity.  Since the legislators can’t personally interview each one, most rely on a screening process made up of current and retired military, civic leaders, businessmen and families of those who have attended.  No process is perfect, but a wide cross-section of board members is a good thing.  It adds a variety of perspectives to the interviews.

I approach the whole process very seriously.  Most of these kids have dreamed of attending an Academy for years and have single-mindedly built their high school careers around participating in the activities that will make their application stand out above the rest and I’m the one who will, basically, grade those efforts and make a recommendation that will make their dream come true or smash it to bits.  No pressure!

I look at myself at their age and I realize I would have fallen somewhere in the middle of the pack.  I wouldn’t have looked as good on paper as most of these kids and that’s why the interview process is so important.  It’s hard to put my finger on it, to quantify it, but I know it when I see it.  I guess it’s a combination of passion and drive.  Not being the smartest guy in the room but recognizing that you’re not.  Self awareness can be a powerful motivator.  Stir in a large cup of humility, integrity, and a healthy dose of compassion and I think you’ve got it.  It’s not easy and by the end of the day I always have a headache.  But what I enjoy most about the process is the feeling I have after it’s over and that feeling is hope.

We’re inundated daily with the results of our poor public education system.  Stories of kids who can barely read and who have little, or no, understanding of American history.  I know that, to some degree, it’s intentional.  It’s much easier to control and manipulate the ill-informed.  But these kids have risen above the crowd.  They have sought out opportunities to be challenged and succeeded.  They are out there.  The hardworking, caring kids who we need to save our nation from the lazy narcissistic masses.  We need to encourage them and mentor them.  They’re not hard to find.  In a world that glorifies grey, white is blinding.

Chapter 86, “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly”

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Another week missed!  I think I was trying to catch up on sleep after two busy weekends of Cotton Patch.  Time to buckle down and type.

I like to think there are three different kinds of leaders.  I call this the Clint Eastwood theorem.  They are the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Named after the 1966 spaghetti western of the same name.  The “Good” is pretty self-explanatory as is the “Bad”.  The interesting ones are the “Ugly”.  These are the ones that actually get things done but it’s never on the straightest or most logical path.  It’s a pretty broad category but it’s also the most entertaining.

I’ve written several blogs about guys I’ve worked for.  Mostly commanders, but I’ve also worked for a variety of folks who were what we call “section chiefs”.  These are guys who are in charge of specific squadron functions like Current Operations or Scheduling, to name a few, but aren’t commanders.  They’re guys who are ambitious enough to take on a bigger job and hope to, someday, be given the opportunity to be actual commanders.  In other words, they’re getting to learn by making mistakes in a area  that won’t screw things up to badly for the whole squadron.

As a young Air Reserve Technician (full time reservist/civil servants for those unfamiliar with the program) you often find yourself the sole full-timer in a section trying to do what, on active duty, would be accomplished by a staff of five or six.  It’s one of the things that makes the reserves so efficient but it can mean a lot of pressure to manage the daily flying program.  There might be another four or five reservists in the shop, but they may only be there two days per month leaving you to do the lion’s share of the work.  On top of that, the section chief is usually a reservist and unless he fully grasps the reality of the workload, you can find yourself working for someone with, shall we say, unrealistic expectations.

I once had a reserve supervisor who had a highly successful civilian job but he had absolutely no management experience.  He would come in for the UTA (drill weekend) and decide that the entire program needed to be revamped.  He would brief the squadron commander of the new direction and promptly disappear for 28 days.  He couldn’t be reached, because he was too busy, and I was left fend for myself.  He would reappear on the next UTA and complain that his new program had not yet been implemented.  Because of him, I identified a new subset of the “Ugly” category.  I call it “I think, therefore it is”.

I’m sure, if you think about it, you can come up with someone that fits into this category and maybe we all do a little.  We can have all of the best intentions of doing or changing something but unless we actually DO something it won’t happen.  I see all of these programs to “raise awareness” about every disease or social ill but being aware is not “doing”.  You might feel good about how compassionate and caring you are but feelings accomplish nothing.  Leaders don’t throw out ideas and assume things will get done just because they’re in charge.  Leaders coach, mentor, manage, follow up and clarify when necessary.  These are skills that are learned through years of experience.  Years of observing those who have already figured it out and years of making mistakes along the way.  You just can’t take someone who has never managed anything but himself and put him in charge.

Thankfully, my ” I think, therefore it is” guy never became a commander.  Sadly, our nation is not so lucky.  The current healthcare debacle is a direct result of putting an “I think, therefore it is” guy in the White House.  Someone who has never run anything but his own life is trying to take charge of our lives.  His failure to take any interest in a process that will negatively impact the lives of millions demonstrates a complete lack of leadership.  He claims to be a visionary but the only vision he offers is a backwards look to the failed socialist policies of the last 100 years.

There’s no substitute for rolling up your sleeves and doing the hard work.  Managing without micromanaging.  Surrounding yourself with people who will tell you the truth not what they think you want to hear.  I pray it’s not to late.

Chapter 85, First Encounter

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I’ll start off with a plug for my brother Tim.  Here’s the link to his interview with “The Blaze”.  It’s a bit lengthy, over an hour, but it’s interesting and entertaining and well worth the time spent!

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/10/04/7-secrets-of-powerful-storytelling-from-one-of-americas-most-insightful-actors/

Last week a wrote a bit about the beginning of my career on active duty so I think it fitting to talk about the end of it.

In 1983 I was stationed at beautiful, tongue in cheek, Ellsworth AFB, SD.  Millions of Americans have made the pilgrimage to the Black Hills of South Dakota to visit Mt. Rushmore, and Custer State Park, and Deadwood, and Sturgis, and a myriad of other tourist destinations.  Not to mention stopping at Wall, SD, the most overrated tourist stop in America, for free ice water.  Folks comment on how lovely the tree covered hills are but that’s only because, on the way there, they hadn’t seen a tree for 400 miles! So, while millions of people have fond summer vacation memories of Rapid City, my take is a little different.

First off, tourist destinations mean high prices on everything, including restaurants and gas stations, during the tourist season and the locals have to pay the same prices.  I discovered during my first summer there that I was allergic to just about everything that grows there and, because the wind was always blowing at 25 miles an hour stirring up the allergens, there was no escape.  The Air Force would give me Sudafed and tell me to stay indoors in air-conditioning as much as possible.  Great, trapped inside when the weather was good but as soon as the snow started in August I could go outside and freeze to death.  And, yes, it did snow in both June and August while we were there!  Alright, I’m done whining.  I did get one wonderful thing in the state of South Dakota, my beautiful daughter Erin.

Since there was precious little else to do there, Peg and I jumped into volunteering at church and I was able to move up quickly in the flying squadron.  By the spring of ’82 I was a flight examiner and on the “S-01” crew which was the top crew in Stan/Eval.  It meant a lot more office work but, by regulation, we only had to sit alert 70% of the average alert time of the regular crews.   A huge deal.  So there I was, in a plum job.  I had done all of the career developing steps.  I had worked hard to get a great reputation and the next step was to maneuver myself into my next job at my next base. My only desire, that it wasn’t anywhere colder or drier.

At the time, the FB-111 was still in service in Strategic Air Command.  It was a supersonic, variable geometry wing bomber with a crew of two and, after talking to a couple guys in the squadron who had flown it, I decided it would be a good fit for me.  I had been fighter qualified out of pilot training so I met the requirements.  I got letters of recommendation from up the command chain, put my application package together, submitted it to Higher Headquarters and then waited  or the selection board to meet.  But then I got “the phone call”.

I’m not very good with names.  If you asked me to write down the names of more than 5 guys I flew with in 1983 I probably couldn’t do it, but there is one name I will never forget.  One name that opened my eyes to what unbridled, unchecked bureaucratic power can do to your life. The name is Kent Rindy.  And I say Kent Rindy with all of the derision with which Seinfeld said “Newman”.  Kent Rindy was an Air Force poster child.  He had left the active duty Air Force, was unable to hack it in the civilian world, so he came back in with his tail between his legs.  They made brochures and posters featuring him telling us that life on the outside wasn’t fulfilling and that staying on active duty was the only sane decision we could make.  He didn’t just drink the Koolaid, he invented a whole new flavor.  It was Kent Rindy who called me.

The conversation started off pleasant enough.  He said, “Our records show that it’s time for us to start the process of moving you to your next assignment.  Here’s what’s going to happen”.  Notice the lack of interest in what I would like to do.  He continued, “We have an excess of B-52 pilots right now and I need to fill some instructor slots at pilot training bases so I’ll be putting you in one of those.”  I was curious to see where he envisioned my career going so I asked, “So after three years of being terrified by students, where would I, potentially, go after that?”.  “Well”, he said, “since you haven’t had a northern tier assignment yet, we’ll send you to either Minot ND, Grand Forks ND, or Loring ME.”  In the Air Force’s eyes, South Dakota is equivalent to Florida.  Needless to say, I wasn’t impressed.  I answered, “I actually have some other ideas.  I’ve applied for the FB-111 selection board and if I don’t get that I’d like to instruct T-41 students at the Air Force Academy so I can work on a Masters in Aerospace Engineering.  I’m also filling out an application for test pilot school (Although I later found out I was too tall!)”.  I thought I had presented a convincing case for myself but I wasn’t prepared for his response.  The phone went quiet and then he said, “I see here, in your records, that your wife just had a baby.  It would be a shame if you had to spend a year in some cold lonely base in Korea away from your little girl.  I’m sure you won’t get into the FB-111 program, T-41s aren’t available to YOU and you’re going to take what I give you or suffer the consequences.” “CLICK”.  That was it, end of discussion.

The next month I went TDY to California for 6 weeks to participate in the contract validation program for the first full motion/visual B-52 simulator.  I called back to the squadron one week into the TDY and asked a buddy to check my squadron in-box.  Sure enough, there were orders for me to report to Del Rio, TX to become a T-38 instructor.  Old Kent knew I would be out of town so he cut the orders so I wouldn’t be able to turn them down by resigning from active duty.  I thoroughly enjoyed the TDY because I knew, since the orders weren’t presented to me personally, I would have a week after my return to make up my mind.  I walked into the squadron the day after I returned and there, displayed prominently on the bulletin board, was a poster begging pilots to volunteer to teach T-41s at the academy.  I took my orders and the poster to my squadron commander and told him the story.  he took it to the wing commander who called Air Force Personnel Center and was told that it was too late.  I should have told my career counselor I was interested in the position.  Go figure!  Also, after many calls by the Wing Inspector General to Headquarters SAC, it was determined that some “unknown” person had removed my name from the FB-111 application board database.  Had my name been in the database my orders to Del Rio couldn’t have been published until the board results.  Hmmm, interesting!

And there you have it.  My first experience, but certainly not my last, butting heads with bureaucrats who are way too big for their britches.  Remember, one of the answers in the top ten list of lies is: “We’re the government and we’re here to help.”  What percentage of dollars spent on welfare programs actually makes it to people?  27%, where does the other 73% go?  You figure it out!