Tag Archives: Retirement

Chapter 74, “Finally”

Finally!  1 July 2013, is finally here!  Those of you who work for the Federal government might want to,  for planning purposes,  take note.  I retired 8 months and 2 days ago and today I receive my first retirement check.  There were no errors in the package, no documents missing, no clarification required on any forms.  AFPC (Air Force Personnel Center) executed their part of the process flawlessly.  But, once my package reached OPM (Office of Personnel Management) it was as if I ceased to exist.  A file in an “In” basket waiting for the bureaucracy to decide it was my turn.

When I retired I was told that I could expect to wait 3-6 months for the process to be complete. (How many of you, getting close to retirement, have saved up 6 months of living expenses!?)  When, after 4 months, I was finally able to actually speak to a human at OPM I was told that the waiting period was actually 6-12 months. (How many of you, getting close to retirement, have saved up 12 months of living expenses!?)  That’s when I decided it was time to be the squeaky wheel.

I called and I emailed.  I spent hours on hold.  They promised that they would answer emails in “just 20 working days”.  20 working days?  That’s a month!  To answer an email?  I repeatedly got scripted responses and it soon became obvious that their goal was to simply put me off for another month.  Just keep kicking the can down the road by giving me a nugget of hope that it was almost done.  I was very close to calling in some favors from two congressmen and two senators but I really wanted to see how long it would actually take and, besides, I know how easily bureaucracies can deflect and delay congressional inquiries.

So what’s the point?  Am I whining, or just boring ya’ll by venting?  Maybe a little of both.  But the real point is this.  This is a process that has been in place for decades.  People retire every day.  There’s nothing new.  So why doesn’t the process work?  Thomas Sowell once said, “It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong”.  Sadly, when a bureaucracy fails, no one gets fired.  It simply gives the bureaucrats ammunition to ask for more money to “improve”  the process and enlarge their empire.  And it’s the same at all levels.  Remember the last time your school district, or city, or county had a fiscal crisis because they overspent on frivolous programs or bloated staffs?  Did they try to manage your money better, streamline, or get more efficient?  No, they told the community that they would lay off police, firemen, teachers and eliminate essential infrastructure repairs unless they got a tax increase.  Pathetically, a significant percentage of the electorate actually believe it.

So, let’s put on our logic thinking caps.  How can it be possible to reduce the cost of something like healthcare by adding an enormous new bureaucracy on top of the costs of hospitals and doctors and medications?  How can we get better care when decisions about your health aren’t made between you and your doctor but by an unaccountable bureaucrat who just sees you as another file in his in box?  It is, of course, not possible.  The bureaucracy will simply grow and grow and grow and demand an ever increasing budget so that it can fix the problems it has created.  Can you afford to wait for a bureaucrat to decide if you should live or die?

My retirement is just money.  I anticipated the failures of the system because I’ve seen how the system hasn’t work for the last 35 years, but I don’t think any of us are ready for the inevitable results of the destruction of the best healthcare system in the world.  As my friend Dr. Dave always said, “Getting old is not for the faint of heart”.

Chapter 64, Retirement Pay

Ah well, I’m quickly approaching the six months of retirement milestone and I thought I would give all of you federal employees a glimpse of what you have to look forward to as you approach your wonderful day of retirement.

I’ve always tried to approach any process whether squadron level, group level, wing level, or AF level, as if I were just any average guy.  Even if they try to give the “O-6” preferential treatment I always ask that I be handled just like everyone else.  I’ve found myself frustrated more than once, but how else can we find out what’s broken and what’s not.  So, when it came time to start the retirement process I decided to do everything exactly by the book.  I had seen some folks put off the paperwork or lose records and then scramble to get everything done in time.  I like to learn from others experiences so I was ready to go with all documentation in hand when the date finally arrived to begin the process.

I thought that I would have to go down to Civilian Personnel to fill out paperwork but, in reality, everything is done online.  Although I use the term “online” very loosely.  AFPC (Air Force Personnel Center) has set everything up online but in reality you’re just filling out dozens of pdf forms on your computer and after you fill out the last one you’re instructed to print them all out and take them to Civilian Personnel who then staples them together and sends them via snail mail to San Antonio.  A little archaic but I figured the process was evolving.  The problem is, there are very limited instructions and getting answers isn’t easy.  For example,  you’re told that you retire at age 56 but in reality, your last day of work is the day before your birthday.  But, if you list your retirement date as the day before your birthday then they say they won’t pay the “Social Security equivalent” benefit.  So, in the end, your first day of not coming to work, which is your birthday, is your retirement day, ARGHHHHH.

Personnel sent the package in and then the waiting began.  Months went by with no feedback at all but finally, I got a call from a very nice guy at ARPC about a month out from the magic date.  He clarified some of entries on the forms, corrected some errors, and on our second conversation went over his computations.  After applying my unused sick leave, computing my average high three salary, dividing by my number of good years and months, and dividing by twelve, he came up with the exact number, down to the penny, that I had also computed as my basic monthly annuity payment.  After subtracting out health benefits, survivor annuity payments, and income taxes we had the answer to what I would be taking home every month.  And here’s where the train started to leave the tracks.  I asked how much discontinued service pay ( I think that’s what they call that social security equivalent thing) would be on top of the basic annuity and he said;  “Here’s where I have to apologize sir.  The week after you retire your complete package will arrive at OPM (Office of Personnel Management) in Boyer, PA.  There it will fall, literally (since the facility is underground in an old mine), into a black hole.  It will take months and months for them to compute what you can do in about 30 seconds.  Good luck”  I thanked him for working so diligently on my retirement and said goodbye for the last time.  I miss him.  I miss the human contact with the bureaucracy.  There hasn’t been any since.

OPM has worked very effectively to ensure no human contact is available.  You are given access to a severely limited website where you can change your address, bank account information, password, or request a replacement 1099G.  Other than that your only option is to send an email which they promise to answer in 20 working days (30 if they have to look at a record).  4-6 weeks to just answer a simple question!  There is a page with a checklist which shows the progress of your package.  They acknowledged receiving it the week after my retirement and then nothing happened for three months. I sent an email asking the status and after a month they replied that my package had been assigned to a specialist and it would be completed “very soon”.  I don’t know about you, but very soon in my world had always meant a couple of days maybe a week.  Obviously not so at Government House.  After 2 months of waiting for “very soon” I sent another email.  That was 25 working days ago and resent it 5 days ago.  I even offered to take the 45 minute drive up to the mine and sit down with the specialist to answer the obviously difficult questions they have and even help them go to the IRS website and do the 30 second computation.  All to no avail.  Deafening computer silence.  Not even a kind human voice on the other end of the phone.

Well, you say, aren’t they giving you an “interim” payment of approximately 75% which they tell you about in the pre-retirement briefings?  Not so much.  At best they give 50% of what you’ll eventually get per month.  OK, I’m done venting. I apologize to the readers who have no idea what I’m talking about but I thought it was worth taking a week to make sure all of my ART/civil service friends have planned on funding their own retirement for AT LEAST six months.  Supposedly OPM has worked very hard to reduce the wait time and they claim it’s down to an average of 145 days.  They call that something in the free market, failure.

I can’t wait for the government efficiencies of Obamacare.  Adding an extra layer always makes things cheaper and more efficient!